Average

So let's talk...I am an INCREDIBLY scattered individual. I identify as a corky mom, online English teacher, grad student, dog lover, wife, christ follower, ex Zumba instructor, reader, singer, runner, south Texan, beach lover, writer, coffee fanatic...yes. I am literally all of the above. I am lucky enough to say that I have lived to the maximum so far in my 23 years of life, and it has turned me into a very busy woman. I am not perfect at any of the things I just listed, but I have had a lot of fun trying. But I haven't always enjoyed assigning identities to myself. You see, all my life I feel like I've been mediocre at everything i've tried. Growing up, I was always on the "B" team in sports. I coasted in this grey area between popular and not popular. I always placed somewhere around 15th chair in choir competitions. I had straight A's but was never actually the top student or won any awards. 

And what's more....even now I feel this way. Any assignment I complete in college feels so..."wah-wah". I feel like such an average mom who doesn't take enough pictures of her child or decorate his room MTV cribs style. At church, I know I'm not the best singer...oh, and I'm slower than a snail when it comes to running these days. And God knows i'm not the best Christian. My entire life I've always strived to be on top. To win. To be number one....for all that is holy, TO SHINE. Just for once, at something. So why then would God place all of these identities on my heart? Why do I feel the need to try and fit into all of these different groups if I'm just going to feel average at these things...I mean, it's impossible to be amazing at every single thing..right? I mean, I'm trying my best here. Yet, I look at some of my high school friends on social media and see that they're already working at business firms or teaching at schools...and of course I compare and ask myself "how do they already have it all figured out?". I look at my mommy friends and ask..."HOW DO YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE THAT?!". And I sulk and say "man..I suck". 

But recently, it hit me. Maybe God doesn't want me to shine at something just yet, because I haven't earned it.. Perhaps I'm meant to live in the grey area between shining star and scrub because God just wants me to be humble and relatable for a change. He NEEDS me to be relatable while I figure myself out and spend more time with him. Because the more I talk to people about feeling average, the more I hear this response: "same". 

Finding your purpose is hard, and for some it is a lifelong process. My process just seems to be taking longer. 

Maybe you're struggling with this unnerving feeling of being average too. Maybe you're confused about your purpose or your calling in this life. Honey bunch...I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. Since high school, I have BEGGED for God to tell me what I'm meant to do in this life. I've felt so many pulls on my heart strings for different things. At one point, I was certain God wanted me to be a speech therapist. Then I was positive I was going to be a teacher/track coach. For a while, I thought I was called to do student ministry full time. And, being an English major, of course the call to writing has flashed across my brain once..or twice. But now that I have my Bachelor's, I find myself waving puppets at Chinese students and wearing silly wigs at 6:00 am every morning while my husband tends to baby boy (see exhibit A above Lol). Quite a different plan than originally supposed, huh? 

Maybe once I finish my Masters, I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll start a women's group for mommies/young women who are searching for their purpose too. Maybe I'm exactly where I need to be..who knows? Maybe this blog will turn into a success story, and I'll find inspiration to write a book. 

But for now, I'll embrace my corks. I'll embrace my wit and humor and use it to laugh about my grey area and...averagity? (I think I just made up a word). 

I have confidence that God will present HIS calling for me on HIS time...But maybe that has been my problem all along. I've been asking him what MY calling is...when I should be asking him what HIS calling is for me. 

For now, I'll enjoy being mommy, wifey, "Teacher Lauren", and daughter of the one true king. Because even though I feel average...my son still gleams at me, even when I think I'm doing a horrible job of mom-ing....I have students who look up to me every morning and think I'm the shiz-nit...I have an amazing husband who loves me when I can't find the confidence to love myself...and of course, I have my God  - and in his eyes, I am far from average.

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Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

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I'm excited to discuss a multitude of topics on this blog, ranging from my life style and interests, to good reads and literature, to controversial topics in politics or religion. I hope you will interact with me on my posts and enjoy my overall content. Please feel free to leave me a comment about some topics that you would like for me to talk about. :)